Whenever I have posted about my dad in this journal, it was always bad news. And reading back through my journal it seemed like he was behind an unbelievably high percentage of the negative posts I had.
And it's sad... but updating on my relationship with my father is going to be another disappointing one.
I haven't talked to the man, basically since hurricane Sandy, but I'll get to that in a second.
We're missing years worth of information.
My relationship with my father never really hit a "good" place, but when Bonnie kicked me out of the house, he was here as a reluctant support.
Well.. let me rewind a little further.
Before I moved out of the house to live with Bonnie for the last time, I decided I wanted to make a shift in the dynamic of my relationship with my dad. So I completely reframed things and instead of trying to forgive him, I spent an entire night reflecting on all the positive contributions he made to my life and wrote him a thank you letter outlining everything that really meant a lot to me.
That actually seemed to make a small impact for a while.
Which is really to say that it made a significant impact, because for my father to noticeably change his behavior in response to one gesture is HUGE.
So back to my homeless days. He came up a couple times with the truck to help me move and supported me financially (from a court settlement he got from his accident). So I wasn't sleeping in my car the entire time, and eventually he gave me the security deposit for the apartment I got approved for. Things were decent.
Didn't hear much from him after that, but we were working together well and I was even collecting his rent from the house for him.
I had my stresses for the next two months, but nothing unbearable.
And WHAT a shitstorm.
EVERYTHING was destroyed for me, literally overnight.
And my father brings his high and mighty attitude up here to "save" my son, and pushes every single one of the wrong buttons, less than an HOUR after I'd just seen EVERYTHING I owned destroyed...
Oh, did I let him know how I felt about that.
Didn't care if he wouldn't like it.
Still don't. He was WAY out of line. From yelling at me cause I closed the car door too hard (which I apologized for and asked him not to come at me about trivial shit like that, which he interpreted as 'COME AT ME BRO!'") to telling me that I abandoned my son in the car cause I wanted to see my "stuff"... NOT because he needed diapers and his mother dumped him on me and took off somewhere that had heat.
RIGHT! I fucking climbed down into town, avoiding police, with my son alone in my car by himself, because I wanted to see my shit IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH NO POWER ANYWHERE EVEN THOUGH I COULD JUST DO IT THE NEXT FUCKING MORNING!!!!!
So I all, but told him to fuck off and didn't talk to him for six months.
Of course... I was still going to do the rent for him and other things I agreed to, but he played childish games and started taking care of that himself.
BUT! After six months I thought, enough was enough and it was time to get past it.
But not according to Daddy!
Nope! He still wanted his apology for me disrespecting him.
Sorry.... but fuck that!
It's that exact dynamic that allowed that situation to unfold the way it did. And I won't do it anymore. He owes me WAY more apology than I owe him.
And to him, this is a matter of respect.
Sorry dude, you earn respect. And the ability to procreate doesn't do it for me. The lowest forms of life on Earth are capable of that.
And unfortunately, that's where we stand on that....